Why We Don’t Offer HPV Testing

HPV is a site-specific virus.

You can test negative genitally and still have it orally or anally—and most people don’t realize that. When someone sees “HPV: Negative” on a lab report, they often assume they’re in the clear.

But if the test only covered one of the three major exposure sites, what does “negative” actually mean?

Not much.

That’s exactly why we don’t offer HPV testing at Shameless Care.
We won’t sell a test that gives a false sense of security.

Just like we refuse to sell STI panels that only check urine for gonorrhea and chlamydia—because that misses oral and anal infections. It’s misleading. It’s incomplete. And frankly, it’s unethical.

Here’s the truth:

• There’s no reliable HPV test for men
• The CDC doesn’t recommend routine HPV screening for men at all
• Even if you test negative anally, you could still have HPV orally or on the penis
• There’s no treatment for HPV itself—just monitoring for potential complications like cervical cancer
• That monitoring should happen at your OB-GYN, not through a mail-order kit

The only reason to offer HPV testing by mail is because it sells—not because it helps.
At Shameless Care, we choose to help.

So instead, we focus on what actually protects you:

• HPV is incredibly common—almost everyone is exposed at some point
• The best protection is the vaccine, not testing
• And peace of mind should come from real education, not misleading results

If you really want to learn more:

• HPV can survive on dry surfaces for up to a week
• It can stay on sex toys even after alcohol-based cleaning

Yeah… it’s that kind of virus.

So no, we don’t offer an HPV test.
We offer the truth.

Why We Don’t Include HSV-1 in Our STI Panel

(And why HSV-2 is debatable, too.)

Let’s be honest—HSV-1 probably doesn’t belong in any standard STI panel. And even HSV-2 is questionable.

Here’s why:

The CDC does not recommend blood antibody testing for herpes in people without symptoms. Why? Because a positive result almost always means you were exposed at some point—not when, not where, and not even if you’re contagious.

Most people who test positive for HSV—especially HSV-1—don’t have symptoms and aren’t experiencing regular outbreaks. That means they’re also unlikely to transmit the virus to others. So what does a positive result actually do?

Too often, it causes unnecessary anxiety and confusion, without offering anything actionable in return.

In fact, many hospital systems, labs, and clinicians now refuse to test for HSV antibodies unless symptoms are present—because they believe it does more harm than good.

At Shameless Care, we still offer HSV-2 testing—but even that’s a stretch in terms of public health value.
We do not include HSV-1 for the very reasons above: it’s not helpful, it’s not actionable, and in most cases, it just creates stress over something nearly everyone has been exposed to.

Why We Don’t Include Hepatitis A in Our STI Panel

We intentionally leave Hep A out of our STI panel—because medically, it just doesn’t make sense.

Hepatitis A is primarily spread through contaminated food or water, not sex. Yes, it can be transmitted sexually in rare cases—typically through oral-anal contact (rimming) involving exposure to fecal matter. But even then, it’s usually symptomatic, not chronic, and most people fully recover within a few weeks to a couple of months.

Unlike other STIs, there’s no long-term carrier state, no hidden infection risk, and no treatment needed beyond supportive care.

So from a public health and clinical perspective, there’s no strong reason to include it in an STI screening panel.